How are things in London Ryan? SMASHING!

The first company stupid enough to sponsor us has got itself involved in a little charity work. It MUST be some sort of tax dodge.
GODDAMN CANUCK BENEFIT

THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE AROUND HERE

It's about time we cleaned up all the shite on this site.
We're soon going to change this page into purely an information site about Millpocalypse and things directly affecting it.
If you like reading a load of bollocks then head on over to House of Pistard they're banging on about Jessica Alba over there.
All the major Messenger events have set their dates for next year so we'll get our heads together and decide which one we'd most like to clash with, then we'll post dates so you can all book your days off.
We may have to limit numbers this year, but it's doubtful any of us will be organised enough to keep track of who's planning on coming.

HOUSE OF PISTARD IN "GETTING THEIR SHIT TOGETHER" SHOCK

One of our sponsors House of Pistard has finally got on the internet. No online shopping yet, but maybe that's too mainstream. Until then you'll just have to turn up to Courier events to get their stuff...or bombard them with emails. There may be a new WestCoast Messengers tee from them soon.
In more sponsorship news we've got a really,really good first prize for next year. So good we don't want to tell anyone in case we get people turning up just to win it and ruining our weekend. More details on this as soon as the company offering the prize has stopped arguing about what it's logo should be ( well what d'you expect from a company that wants to sponsor Millpocalypse? ).


Start praying for sun now.

FOR THOSE TO DRUNK TO REMEMBER

Tom's put some photos up on his Myspace, but for the non-geeks amongst you here's a few of the more in-focus ones:

A legend is born.

Maka's paint job has barely had time to dry but Bike Booty, Glasgow's courier owned shop has officially closed it's doors for good, due to other commitments and a 'dick' for a landlord.
So, like the crack den that was the TimbukII 'office' another venue passes into folklore. For years to come rookies will have to endure misty eyed tales told near closing time in whatever pub hasn't barred us and couriers will be judged by whether they can remember Bike Booty or not. Well, Winter is on it's way and the streets are cold and wet. GOD BLESS THE MONKEY.

photo: Spherical Roy

Happenings

I thought Couriers were all mental 'til I met some BMXers. Movies' band are playing, 'nuf said.

Halloween

What with it being Halloween next week you're probably all fretting about what costume to wear to the alleycat/party/other. At Westcoast Messengers HQ we feel you could do a lot worse than this:

Millpocalypse: offering you advice on all aspects of life, not just couriering.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING JOKING.

As I type this the Millpocalypse myspace is waiting with baited breath to be accepted to Donny's Fanpage!
I don't know, you think you know someone and then one day, browsing the internet you find out their name isn't really 'Olympic Track Star Donny Macleod'...
fuck me! Malky's got one too. And they've both got more friends than Millpocalypse.
Well done guys, see if you can put a backwards 'Come to Millpocalypse 4' chant somewhere on Paulo Nutini's next album.

Looks like James is the next Westcoast Messenger earmarked for stardom.

NO JACKET REQUIRED

This pretty much sums up this year.
There's more photos to come but some people are shite at sending them in. Eh? Tom and Ped?
To see the uncensored photo of Paul's cock go to Selim's FLICKR
Due to the amount of police harassment for nudity this may have been the last Millpocalypse where folk got scuddy. Those of you who were there will be able to say "I remember when Millpocalypse was full of naked dudes..."
There's a write up of this year at 46-18 and some bumf about Glasgow in general, go and have a look.

Catastrophe!

During this years' Millpocalypse the more sober of the attendees might remember the Freddy Merckx Hardman Trophy got broken. The news of this terrible occurrence was greeted by a global outpouring of grief.On the plus side it meant Lane didn't take the trophy to Oz which would have meant a long trip back to return it next year. The unwritten Millpocalypse rules state that each Champion must return the trophy in time for it to be awarded the next year, failure to do so will result in a crack squad of Westcoast Messenger drunkards being dispatched to give you a slapping and take it off you. Anyway it's time to re-group and re-build so a new trophy will have to be made by next year, one with less than 26 spaces for winners ( there's no way we can keep this up till we're in our fifties ) and one that isn't just a horse riding trophy with a bell bolted to it. If anyone has any ideas post them in the comments, the bell has to be incorporated but that's the only rule.
PREPARE FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS TO BE IGNORED UNLESS YOU'RE OFFERING TO ACTUALLY MAKE THE THING.

Time to give a little love back.

Despite trying to keep our event underground we seem to be getting a bit of a name for ourselves. Although we welcome any publicity, if word gets around too much it'll ruin the guerilla nature of Millportpoloco. The reason it's been such a success is we don't attract the sort of people who are going to complain if the events start late ( or on a different day ) or if their tent gets a little singed in the crossfire. This year Millpocalypse Now was free entry for fuck sake, that's how much we do it for the kids. Actually now would be a good time to thank our sponsors House of Pistard and Bike Booty without whom there probably wouldn't have been any prizes this year.
Fortunately all the coverage we're getting is on sites that are underground themselves...the moment the mainstream catches on it's time to pack our shit up and move to a new island.
Anyway the point is, Thank You to all the sites below for mentioning us:
MOVING TARGET
CYCLETRACK
46-18
BIKEBUS
FYXOMATOSIS
SMEEAR
ALLEYCAT.HU
ALLEYCATRACING
THE SLOG

And thanks to everyone who came this year, tell your friends...but not too many of them.

The Millportpoloco organising(?) committee.


This image had to be photoshopped because like most successful creative partnerships they can't stand being in the same room as each other.

LANE DELL - MILLPOCALYPSE CHAMPION 2007

Another year another champion. This year Lane Dell from Melburn AUS joined Chris (DUB) and Brian (GLA) in the hallowed position of Millportpoloco Champion, he not only won the Time Trial ( which is what Millpocalypse is all about* ) but he also won the Urban Keirin. Undisputed is the word. He also put in the second fastest time round the island 29m 05s, just behind Brian's 2006 record of 28m 50s. A slightly controversial record considering it was done after a year of sobriety which is just not in keeping with the true spirit of Millportpoloco.






On the subject of controversy a brand new event was introduced this year: SKIDTLES. Basically you approach ten cans set up like skittles lock up your rear wheel at a line about 20ft away then skid into the skittles taking out as many as possible. Sounds a lot easier than it is especially when none of the competitors had ever tried it before. Movie won this with a slightly suspect technique: as you can see above he chose a full body slide which kind of defeats the 'bike handling skills' part of the contest. But we'll let him off as the total lack of concern for personal safety fully embodied the Millpocalypse ethos and anyone that knows Movie knows it's not from lack of skills. So in honour of this, his technique will be called a 'movie' from now on. Get practicing for next year when we will set the skittles on FIRE!

* it's actually about getting really drunk and not getting burnt or drowned.

PHOTIES!

It really does look like Selim was the only person to bother documenting Millpocalypse Now. His Flickr site is HERE and it's worth looking through his other sets cos there's lots of good photos of ME!
Cheers Selim. This year was nearly a case of "If a courier falls over in a forest and no one is around to hear it, did it really happen?"...or something like that.

UPDATE !

It would appear this year that once again everyone except Selim was too drunk to remember to take any photos so we may never know how the weekend got from this:

To this...

Via this:

If anyone does have any good pics send them, or a link to : westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

PHOTOS:NIKKI+XANDER

C.C.C.C.C ?

Millport to host the 12th BI-ANNUAL CELTIC CYCLE COURIER CHALLENGE CUP next year?
It's just a rumour at the moment, but why else would Paul be wearing the Tee shirt? Could courierings' best kept secret be jumping into the mainsteam?

NO NEW POSTS TIL SEPT.

I'm on holiday. Photos and info on this year will go up when i get back.
UP YOURS!

THE RESULTS

10.5 MILE TIME TRIAL ( Record 28.50 set in 2006 )

1 LANE ( MEL ) 29.05
2 TOM ( GLA ) 29.31
3 MIKE MAKATRON ( MEL ) 29.55
4= BRIAN ( GLA ) 30.24
4= CAMERON ( GLA ) 30.24
6 NIALL ( GLA ) 31.04
7 DEREK ( EDN ) 33.37
8 NIKKI ( LON ) F 33.51
9 ALI ( LON/GLA )F 34.29
10 LAURA ( GLA ) F 37.10
11 LINDSAY ( GLA )F 37.43
12 ROY ( GLA ) 37.49 PUNCTURE
13 PED ( GLA ) 39.55 TOWED MOVIE FOR A WHILE
14 MOVIE ( GLA/SYD ) 42.43 ON A 16" WHEEL BMX WITH NO BRAKES AND A SLOW PUNCTURE
15=COOKIE ( MNT ) 1:20.18
=CHUCK ( MNT ) 1:20.18
=RITA ( BUD ) F 1:20.18
=JEN ( GLA ) F 1:20.18
=ANDREAS ( COP/SYD ) 1:20.18
DFL JAMES TAIT ( GLA ) 2:19.05 A REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT CONSIDERING THE WEATHER

URBAN KEIRIN

BOYS
1 LANE ( MEL )
2 BRIAN S.A. ( SYD )
3 MAKA ( MEL )

GIRLS
1 JEN ( GLA )
2 NIKKI ( LON )
3 ALI ( LON/GLA )

SKID SKITTLES

1 MOVIE ( GLA/SYD ) 9
2=JAMES TAIT ( GLA ) 7
=ANDREAS ( COP/SYD )7

PIER JUMP

1 PAUL ( GLA ) JUST WAIT FOR THE PHOTOS

KARAOKE

1 TOM ( GLA ) VOICE OF AN ANGEL

TRACKSTAND DARTS

ABANDONED DUE TO EXCESSIVE DRUNKENESS

The Pre-event for Millpocalypse

Ross organised an impromptu Pre-Event during CMWCXV to help promote Millportpoloco 3.
Pikey from London won.

MILLPOCALYPSE THEN!

It's over, everybody survived, Niall didn't get hypothermia and everybody made it off the island on Sunday...sounds a bit tame by Millportpoloco standards, but we managed to have the Police called on us a grand total of 5 times making it the most illegal Millportpoloco yet. Fortunately there no arrests or tickets, not even for riding along a motorway, at night, with no lights, steaming drunk...but that's only because as they were writing out our tickets a murder in progress came over their radio and they had to boost ( lucky us, unlucky victim ).
This year we had couriers representing from Melburn, Sydney, Montreal, Copenhagen, Budapest, London and of course Glasgow ( Edinburgh what happened? you were missed ). We added new events including Skid Skittles, Pier jumping and KARAOKE! There was another good crash in Friday's Urban Keirin and despite a very wet Saturday everyone went home happy, in fact some people still haven't gone home because GLASGOW ROCKS!

Results will be posted tomorrow and photos will go up as soon as possible but I warn you, there's a lot of male nudity. All in all another successful year. Not bad for an event that was organised entirely on the train back from CMWC in Dublin.

Skatepark Photos

Has anyone got photos from the Friday nite skatepark session?
send them to westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

Registration

54below
1106 Argyle St
Glasgow, G3 8TD

Friday from 5pm. Brief break for Urban Keirin @ Park Circus then back to 54below till 3am.
Registration is free but you need to come to find out wtf is going on all weekend.
If you can't make it on Friday then meet @ Central Station at 9am Sat. morning.
If you can't make it there then meet on the pier at Millport at 12midday.
Time trial starts at 13:47 SHARP!

Dublin HO!

SOME NEWS

Millportpoloco news: This year will be FREE ENTRY and I think the prizes reflect that:

As everyone knows the real goal is to get to ring the bell on the Freddy Merckx Hardman trophy:

There is also a trophy for the Urban Keirin on Friday and don't forget the ONE POUND WHISKYS in the Tavern.

Right. The tandem is on the road and everyone is off to Dublin..see ya!
(If your coming the best thing to do is grab a Scotsman in Dublin and see if he can remember we're putting on this event.)

"THIS IS GLASGOW, WE'LL SET ABOUT YE"

As you'll all have heard Scotland is now on al-Qaeda's list, but don't let it bother you, cos we're not bothered. Here's what John Smeaton, one of the locals who took it upon himself to batter a suicide bomber, has to say about the threat:

WHAT THE FUCK HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH BIKES!?

For those of you who thought they were getting a bit old to still be on the circuit.

HANDSOME BUT SCARY

These photos have been nicked from HERE. Looks like they're about a year old and judging from the clothes, taken in June or July. It's a testament to the guy's photography skills that he's managed to make everyone look so normal. Note Quimby keeping it real with the cast.







Not much Millporpoloco news at the moment, the event that organises itself seems to be doing the same again this year. On the tandem front some sort of boat anchor seems like the best way to stop people flying off the end of the pier.

GLASGOW'S FATTEST COURIER TOO TIGHT TO PAY FOR OWN PETROL

This has nothing to do with Millportpoloco but it's worth mentioning that Hutch from Alliance Bicycle Couriers has started up a new business to help pay for all of Sheona's perms. You can find out all about BIKE BUS here.
Come to think of it, can we hire you for the Millpocalypse weekend ?

ACCOMMODATION

I suppose it's about time we started posting some useful information for this year.
If you're coming from far afield ( and by that I mean further than Dumbarton ) you'll need somewhere to stay.Last year we had Swiss, Irish and a melting pot of Londoners come to visit us along with several non-messengers, everyone will be made welcome... unless you come from Carluke .Friday night takes place in Glasgow so drop us a line here: westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk and we'll sort you out with a couch or floor. Saturday is camping so a tent/hammock would be good or at least a sleeping bag so you can spoon in someone elses tent... alternatively you can stay up all night throwing stones at the moon with the locals ( I swear I hit it last year ), or book into the hotel. If you're one of the lucky one's who doesn't miss the last ferry on Sunday another couch in Glasgow awaits, then it's up to you and the couch owner how much longer you get to stay.
In unrelated tandem news apparently it's going to be red...if Bike Booty can grab a spare minute to paint it between fixing Art School student's Raleigh Shoppers.

CYBER DORKS

We've decided to hop on the Myspace bandwagon, I think if this guy is on there then it must be cool. The problem is we're lookin' pretty unpopular at the moment, so come and be our super cyber friends so you can receive bulletins filled with useless information. MYMILLPORTSPACE

MY, THAT'S A DANDY HORSE

After devoting minutes of brainpower trying to come up with a really cool name for the TANDEM we have finally decided on "Dandy Horse"... "what!?" I hear you cry, you don't think that's a cool sounding name? Well let me fill you in on the history:
In 1839 Kirkpatrick MacMillan a Scottish blacksmith added a treadle pedal system to the current ' Boneshaker ' velocipedes that were propelled by pushing along the ground with your feet, thus he created the daddy of the modern pedal bicycle. These were called Dandy Horses.
Kirkpatrick never filed a patent so other so-called 'inventors of the bicycle' dispute his title. What is on record in newspaper archives is that in 1842 he was fined for hitting a pedestrian while travelling at 8mph. So although there may be many claims to inventing the bicycle, there can be no dispute that the first person to get a ticket was a Scotsman... put that in your Dandy Horse and smoke it!

SUNDAY EQUALS FUNDAY

This being the third Millportpoloco we have by now realised just how difficult it is to get people moving on the Sunday morning. This is due to the ' Lord of the Flies ' mentality that takes over city-boy couriers the moment they get out into the wilderness, in 2005 this resulted in arson and probably the highest percentage of injuries at any courier event...ever. In 2006 the fragility of James Tait's mental state by Sunday threw up one of the weirdest alleycats this reporter has witnessed ( see photos ).
So this year we are going to keep it fun and not too physically taxing, that means sea jumping on a child's BMX off the pier and track stand pillow fights. Two great events and limited risk of drowning. BRING YOUR TRUNKS.

BROWN THUNDER

The track tandem is starting to take shape. You can follow it's progress in it's very own blog HERE it's a good way to keep the BIKE BOOTY guys on their toes.

MILLPOCALYPSE NOW - WHAT'S ON

I just noticed there is no explaination of what actually happens at a Millportpoloco so for the uninitiated here's a brief run down.


FRIDAY - URBAN KEIRIN :The Friday night events take place in the city of GLASGOW ( 2006 European capital of Drug abuse, knife crime and heart disease ) but don't let that put you off we'll be in the posh part. James Tait ( yes that Jaimzey Tait ) is responsible for this night, last year he put on some fine local bands in the Halt Bar followed by Night Keirin around Park Circus, despite the late start this is still a live traffic event, as Selim found out last year. He was fine, his bike wasn't.Expect more of the same this year.


SATURDAY - MILLPORT :This is when the weekend really gets started. Our destination is the island of Great Cumbrae a one hour train ride and 15 min ferry trip away. We leave Glasgow at 10:30am and arrive in Millport, the island's only town, at around midday. The town has everything we need food and drink wise so all you'll need is a bike and a tent and clean underwear if you're posh. The main event is a ten mile individual time-trial around the coast road ( there is only one other road so you can't go wrong ) this is a bit different for couriers who are used to starting and stopping a lot but the scenery is beautiful if you decide halfway round that you've shot yer bolt. An added feature this year is the track tandem Bike Booty are supplying, this means that at any point during the day two person teams can put in a time around the island, bear in mind the start/finish line is on the pier and the tandem is not drilled for a brake. When the time-trial finishes (usually late afternoon) we go and set up camp then the island is yours to explore, which at Millportpolocos 1 and 2 has meant go to The Tavern and sample their £1 whisky. Then there's the huge campfire and some sort of musical entertainment that goes on far too late.

SUNDAY - RANDOM ACTS :Sunday has no fixed program of events.At Millportpoloco 1 it was track bike events (skids, stands, circles) which unfortunately were cancelled due to the massive casualty rate from the night before*. Then last year was the alleycat laid on by James with the infamous swimming checkpoint. So at the present time Sunday's events haven't been decided but prizegiving will take place at the end of it.

*see upcoming 2005 report for full details

2007 DATE FINALLY DECIDED

After thinking about changing this years dates because they clash with the Dublin CMWC post event in Holland we decided that, fuck it, we'll just go ahead. Scotland has a short summer and the calendar is already busy,plus we're fae Glasgow and don't give a shite. So Aug. 10th - 12th it is. If I remember correctly we ran the first Millportpoloco on the same weekend as the New York CMWC and it didn't cause any harm to either event.

MILLPORTPOLOCO III

Right! Hello and Happy New Year and all that sort of pish and shite.
This year's Millportpoloco ( the 3rd in a series of 26 if the spaces on the trophy are anything to go by ) is going ahead on Aug 10th-12th.
As anyone who's been to the last two will know the emphasis is not on the competition, although there will be urban Keirin in Glasgow on Fri. night ( hosted by Mr. Jaimzey Tait ) and the main event: A ten mile time trial around the island of Great Cumbrae.

In addition to the individual time trial, this year we have a track tandem for you and a friend/drunk local to put a time in on whenever it suits you and, depending on how well the whisky's going down we might just have a skid comp on it. As you can see from the photo it still needs a bit of work but the hard part ( getting eighty year old bottom-brackets out ) is done and there will be regular updates WATCH THIS SPACE.
Full and exact details of this years event will be posted soon but we can guarantee a few things: shite prizes, £1 whisky in The Tavern, deep fried pizza, a great big fire, swimming and if the last two years are anything to go by at least one person will end up in the hospital and Niall Dobie will get hypothermia.
So if you're in the vicinity of the British Isles this summer you'd be daft not to make it to sunny Scotland...just look at the state of our fucking cows!